Open Letters to Annoying Folk
Dear Chinese Restaurant at The Mall,
You caught me at a weak moment; it was raining, I was hungry. You had impressed me in the past with your $1.50 won ton soup. But that bundle of deep-friend gristle, breading and bone you call "Sesame Chicken" is an abomination. I had to throw it in the bin. Also, you may have put me off fried rice for keeps. I've had gruel that was more flavorful.
Regretfully,
Mrs. Harridan
***
Dear Ride The Ducks,
Aren't obnoxious tourists bad enough? Why must you make them even more obnoxious? You make my lunch hour so much less pleasant. Your riders sit on the street and eat nasty cheesesteaks while waiting to board you. And the quacking - O! the quacking! When I sleep at night, I dream of incessant, urgent quacking and smell a plume of exhaust. Please, please go away.
Angrily,
Mrs. Harridan
***
Dear People with Fancy Cellphone Earpieces,
If you make eye contact with me while talking on your little earpiece like a Secret Service agent, I can't help but think you're speaking to me. Stop it, already. You don't look cool. Save that shit for when you're in the car and really need to be handsfree.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Harridan
***
Am I the only one who's a bit freaked out about They Might Be Giants doing commercials for Dunkin Donuts? I'm not sure whether it makes me like Dunkin Donuts more, or TMBG less. Your thoughts?
posted by Mrs. Harridan @ Tuesday, June 20, 2006
8 Comments:
Ah yes, this is the Mrs. H I've missed!
First of all, the cell phone earpiece talkers make me nuts. I always think they're talking to me and then feel like an asshole when they pass by without making eye contact, blabbing away importantly.
Secondly, I know what you mean about being freaked out by the TMBG Dunkin Donuts ads, but mostly I'm just happy for them for making some cash.
Third, I love you.
Katherine - yeah! I'm BACK! ;)
Mr. B - you make a good point. Much of the new music I have bcome interested in has been cribbed from TV commercials. But TMBG is written for DD, isn't it? I would swear that some of the lyrics are about love of caffeine, or something. Then there's a song about liking to do stuff, or something. I should just be happy for them.
Tits, you're the best. I love you, too.
Ride the Ducks. GAH! GAH! GAH!
When we were visiting Baltimore Harbor my husband thought it might be fun to do the duck tour there. I nixed that idea. He was shocked the "fun loving girl" he married wouldn't do it. Hey, there's a difference between being fun loving and acting like an a**hole! It's a fine line and the duck crosses it!
Hmm, yeah, Tits makes a good point about Dunkin Donuts. I'm always glad if they can take the big S coffee shop down a notch or two.
And I loathe The Ducks.
Perhaps TMBG confused DD (Dunkin' Donuts) with DD (Dungens and Dragons.)
I find it a little sad, since the band occupies a hefty amount of my puny ipod playlist, but ultimately I'm at peace with it. I'm a little mercenary when it comes to such things as manking money with art, and shilling donuts is as good a way to do it as writing songs to open sitcoms. They may turn off some fans and they'll make an economic decision that will balance the boat that way, I suppose.
What bugs me more is the way TMBG treated a few folks I know at a booksigning. I know it must be annoying to have lines of folks not purchase your stuff while asking you to sign ratty old t-shirts from the 80s. But they didn't need ridicule the kids' names. I wonder if it's indicative of their personalities. Perhaps they were just having a bad day.
Yowch! Who knew such funny guys could be so mean? Maybe it was before the lucrative DD deal, and they were cranky from lack of cash. :(
I can't fault them, really, because I have been known to partake of the DD crack on occasion.
I'm trying to think of it as cutting wit, but it's tough.
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