Unburn my heart, say tomatoes love me again

This past week marked the beginning of my trials with heartburn. This is an ailment I've had only a few times before, for short periods of time, so having it all day, every day was a nasty wake-up call for me to change my eating habits.

Sadly, it appears that most everything I like to eat causes heartburn. EVEN THE FRUITS AND VEGETABLES:

Food Group	Foods To Avoid
Fruit	• Orange juice • Lemon • Lemonade • Grapefruit juice • Cranberry juice • Tomato
Vegetables	• Mashed potatoes • French fries • Onion, raw
Meat	• Ground beef, chuck • Marbled sirloin • Chicken nuggets • Buffalo wings
Dairy	• Sour cream • Milk shake • Ice cream • Cottage cheese, regular
Grains	• Macaroni and cheese • Spaghetti with sauce
Beverages	• Liquor • Wine • Coffee, decaffeinated or regular • Tea, decaffeinated or regular
Fats / Oils	• Salad dressing, creamy • Salad dressing, oil & vinegar
Sweets / Desserts	• Butter cookie, high-fat • Brownie • Chocolate • Doughnut • Corn chips • Potato chips, regular

Now, we've already ascertained that I am not following the What to Expect diet of tears and suffering (I met with a doula this weekend who told me to throw that book away, and I felt vindicated). But I am trying to stick to a basic regimen of a certain number of daily servings of calcium-rich food, fruits/veggies, whole grains, etc.

I ask you, how am I supposed to enjoy a salad without dressing?
And if I choose lowfat dressing, then how am I going to get some good fats into my system from the olive or canola oil?
And how am I going to break my dependence on tomatoes in their many forms?
I honestly don't know. All I know is, TUMS don't work, which must be why they're the recommended antacid for pregnant women. The other "remedy" is to sleep with a wedge under one's head (or under the bed itself) to keep stomach acid from bubbling up past the esophagus too easily. Unfortunately, this latter remedy also creates a situation in which I find it impossible to sleep alongside my husband.

Annoyingly, the list of foods that have little potential to cause heartburn includes goat or feta cheese, which pregnant women are not supposed to have due to the risk of listeria. Hot dogs may be consumed "with discretion," but they're a bad idea because of the nitrates they contain (as are sausages and bacon, which I can't seem to wean myself off of).

With that, I'm off to enjoy a slice of dry whole wheat toast with a scrambled egg white and a side of mineral water while sitting propped up by a study pillow. Please, try not to be too jealous.