Keri ... is so very

I was sent some Keri moisturizer to try and review. For those of you who don't already know, I loves me some free stuff. So, of course, I am all over any opportunities to try new stuff for free.

I had high hopes for a kinder, more natural version of Keri, since their big push is for their shea butter formula. Shea butter is, according to Ideal Bite, predominantly produced without pesticides. Wow, a naturally organic ingredient - I was psyched.

The shea butter formula smells really nice, and absorbs quickly into the skin (more on that in a minute). The lotion itself, however, is a little thin. I'm probably used to the JASON cocoa butter I've been using to prevent stretch marks, which is a much thicker, more buttery texture. Regular lotions can seem wimpy and thin in comparison. But the lotion does seem to work well - I have fairly dry skin on my legs, which I vainly shave even in the winter (stubble drives me nuts), and a couple days' use has kept the skin on my legs from being flaky or itchy. Pregnancy has given me all sorts of weird rashes, too, and the Keri keeps the rashes down (as do the other lotions I have been using to stay moisturized).

Now on to the absorption issue: while it's great that then lotion absorbs well (after all, who wants slick, sticky skin that needs to air dry? Bleah), the problem is what's IN the lotion, absorbing into your skin, namely two kinds of parabens, which are linked to breast cancer.
Additionally, the lotion contains 3 varieties of polyethylene glycol, which has been linked to leukemia, breast and uterine cancers. Now on to iodopropynyl butylcarbamate, which is potentially linked to infertility, is a liver/gastrointestinal toxicant, and a neurotoxin. Yipes.

One nice thing about the ingredients is that Keri lists the scientific name of the natural ingredients and then advises the consumer of what it is, say, shea butter (unsurprisingly), sunflower seed oil, or aloe leaf juice.

The aloe leaf juice is also found in the regular Keri lotion, which has the same consistency as the shea butter formula, but doesn't smell as nice - it has more of a regular "lotion" smell. Not unpleasant, just not as nice as the shea butter.

The verdict: Keri is so very ... on the right track with the shea butter, but about the same as other mainstream moisturizers when it comes to potentially toxic ingredients. Parabens are no longer on my skin's menu, so I won't be using Keri in the future. For people who are OK with these sorts of ingredients, Keri is a fine choice, as it moisturizes nicely and smells good. The choice is up to you, of course. Happy moisturizing!

Son of more fun with search tags

Haven't checked the search tags in awhile, so I went over to Sitemeter to see what pulled in the surfers this week.

1. That damn Fergie-peed-her-pants photo is very popular, especially in France and Venezuela. Probably about 15 searches led folks to that photo and my remarkably restrained (it seems to me now) comments about her. Look, I'm sure Fergie's a lovely girl. A lovely, ex-meth junkie, drag-queen-looking, ridden hard and put away wet girl. I guess I'm just tired of seeing her face everywhere. She's not particularly pretty, and she's not particularly talented. And she can't spell "duchess." And she PEED her PANTS ONSTAGE. Enough already. It's time for her to go away.
2. how to induce miscarriage: Oy. I don't recall writing a how-to on the subject. I knew a girl in college who threw herself down a flight of stairs to make that happen (didn't work, nor did copious amounts of drugs and booze). How about you go and have a chat with a Planned Parenthood counselor? It'll do you a world of good and help you make an informed decision.
3. Glad I'm single: This is where quotation marks come in handy, because I'm on the glad I'm NOT single train. This search came in from someone's phone, oddly enough, so either they were killing time while on a bad blind date, or they needed immediate shoring up from other happy singletons.
4. Virago girl karate: A virago is generally a spiteful, venomous woman (sounds familiar ...). It's also a type of motorcycle, if I am not mistaken. Adding "girl" in there is just redundant, and what karate has to do with any of it, I have no idea.
5. REALdoll Mignon: Do they have names for specific models? I'm trying to imagine the real Mignon agreeing to have herself cast for a RealDoll and it's freaking me out (I can easily imagine her punching the requestor in the nuts, though - she's a tough woman).
   

Vampire baby

So a few nights ago, Booby and I were driving to the Home Depot to buy light bulbs (apparently you can't get compact fluorescent bulbs in the supermarket - what's up with that?) and a new gas range and over-the-range microwave (which I'll be swooning over early next week. Have I mentioned my 30-year old Caloric range which heats to about 200 degrees higher than what it's set for? PA law requires that houses be sold with a range included, and my seller went and got the range from his aged mother's house or something.).

But anyway. God, this pregnancy brain thing is for real, isn't it? I am all over the place.

So, in the car, I was telling him all the things I wanted to get done before Little Bun arrives. I'm not in full nesting mode yet, but I have Plans. There's a lot of shit to be done, and he hasn't quite made the connection that we will not feel like doing any of it once we have a screaming child to deal with. Now is the time to pull the (very sharp) carpet staples out of the stairs, you know? Not when the baby is actually crawling on said stairs and gouging his or her face on unpulled staples.

"And," I told him, "I would like to start making some meals ahead and freezing them, like Stacey did. That way I won't have to cook!" I was psyched for this idea. We could have lasagne. Or chicken pot pie. Or whatever! Whatever my hand touches when I open the freezer! He didn't agree.

"God, you are making more work for yourself than you need to with this whole baby thing. You act like it's going to be so hard! So demanding of us physically that we won't want to get up and do anything! Next, you're going to tell me that all that stuff we learned about breastfeeding in the birth class wasn't important, because, Oh, didn't I tell you, it turns out the baby is going to suck blood directly from your veins! Yeah, the baby needs your blood, but that's OK, right? You can spare that, sure! Just attach the baby right to your jugular using the football hold and a sling, and then you can even move around. It's so simple!"

When he puts it that way, I guess this baby thing will actually be a breeze (HA!). Although it might turn out that I like to sleep more than I would mind having blood sucked out of my veins ... It's a toss-up.

Various and sundry

• Booby is on a business trip in Atlantic City and is staying at the Borgata tonight. It makes me nostalgic for all the ridiculous, yet very fun, business trips I took to Vegas back in the day. I kind of wish I were there to play video poker and drink vodka (not that I even could do that in my present condition). Oh, and eat in Wolfgang Puck's restaurant, where my friend Ris cooks. But instead, I'll settle for eating a fuss-free meal (salad and leftover potatoes) and having the teensy, double bed all to myself (along with the three cats, who are certain to all cluster on it with me). Small pleasures.

• Every night, between 7 - 9 p.m., my bra starts driving me nuts, I think because my belly is sitting so high up. Even buying another round of larger, better-fitting bras hasn't helped. So now there's a small pile of bras on the hope chest in the living room, where I toss 'em after I do the shoot-bra-out-the-shirtsleeve trick. HIM the cat has been sleeping on top of them.
  

• I was just getting into prenatal yoga when last week there was a snowstorm and everything was closed. Then, this week, I have had a cold for about a week and am doing all kinds of attractive sniffling, throat-clearing and snot-hawking. Hott! Hopefully next week I'll get back on track, since I paid for 5 classes and have attended only 2 as of press time.

• I had a job interview on Tuesday. What sort of crazy person applies for a job when she's 33 weeks pregnant? Me! It's only a part time position with a concentration on evenings/weekends (i.e. perfect for post-partum, husband fill-in time), and they didn't seem too freaked out by the fact I'm pregnant. I'm supposed to hear back by early next week, and then I'll be able to tell you more, once the potential for jinxing has passed. If I get the job, it would be perfect for me, both from a time perspective and as far as being something I am well-suited to.

• This post is making me realize my life is incredibly dull. Sigh.
  

• My midwife told me I should "eat more chips, or something," and I decided to take her advice to heart. I've been eating cookies, goat cheese (pasteurized, natch), TONS of ice cream (Booby brought home 4 pints of Ben & Jerry's on Valentine's Day; we have 1/3 pint left), chocolate chiffon cake my mother made, Utz salt & pepper chips ... let's just say I've been over-indulgent. My only attempt at control is to eat a piece of fruit before moving on to something fattening to chomp on, but it seems my stomach has plenty of room for junk food AND healthy stuff. Strange, since there seems to be very little room for other organs like, say, my lungs, which I consider slightly more important.

And, in conclusion:

• Still no stretch marks! I don't know whether to thank JASON Naturals cocoa butter or my own genetics, which for once have come through with something positive rather than the usual migraines/post-menopausal depression/cancer/et cetera. On the minus side, the heartburn is back, kept at bay with papaya tablets and CVS brand Mylanta (mmmm, cherries and chalk, two great tastes that taste great together. Or not.).