Mean Girl to the Rescue!

How'm I gonna save the world when the world ain't ready?

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Vampire baby

So a few nights ago, Booby and I were driving to the Home Depot to buy light bulbs (apparently you can't get compact fluorescent bulbs in the supermarket - what's up with that?) and a new gas range and over-the-range microwave (which I'll be swooning over early next week. Have I mentioned my 30-year old Caloric range which heats to about 200 degrees higher than what it's set for? PA law requires that houses be sold with a range included, and my seller went and got the range from his aged mother's house or something.).

But anyway. God, this pregnancy brain thing is for real, isn't it? I am all over the place.

So, in the car, I was telling him all the things I wanted to get done before Little Bun arrives. I'm not in full nesting mode yet, but I have Plans. There's a lot of shit to be done, and he hasn't quite made the connection that we will not feel like doing any of it once we have a screaming child to deal with. Now is the time to pull the (very sharp) carpet staples out of the stairs, you know? Not when the baby is actually crawling on said stairs and gouging his or her face on unpulled staples.

"And," I told him, "I would like to start making some meals ahead and freezing them, like Stacey did. That way I won't have to cook!" I was psyched for this idea. We could have lasagne. Or chicken pot pie. Or whatever! Whatever my hand touches when I open the freezer! He didn't agree.

"God, you are making more work for yourself than you need to with this whole baby thing. You act like it's going to be so hard! So demanding of us physically that we won't want to get up and do anything! Next, you're going to tell me that all that stuff we learned about breastfeeding in the birth class wasn't important, because, Oh, didn't I tell you, it turns out the baby is going to suck blood directly from your veins! Yeah, the baby needs your blood, but that's OK, right? You can spare that, sure! Just attach the baby right to your jugular using the football hold and a sling, and then you can even move around. It's so simple!"

When he puts it that way, I guess this baby thing will actually be a breeze (HA!). Although it might turn out that I like to sleep more than I would mind having blood sucked out of my veins ... It's a toss-up.


At 12:51 AM, Anonymous Stacey said...

Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Don't kill yourself, but the freezer meals (especially the ones that you just defrost and heat, a la lasagna or beef bourguignonne) have come in very handy.

At 7:56 AM, Blogger Blondie said...

That is too funny. I've had many friends get quite frenzied while prepping for the baby. And then they say they wish they had relaxed more because they never will again--something like that. ;)

So, methinks the belly is bigger now. Time for another belly shot!!

At 5:14 PM, Blogger Mignon said...

You're both right, but in this case the tie goes to the mom.

And I disagree. I think you ARE in full-on nesting mode, which is terribly exciting!


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