Let the games begin!

OK, finally, the post you've all been waiting for: My Fugly Teen Years. Lest you think to yourself, These are not that bad, please note that I found more hideous snaps of my adolescence (including such hairdos as "The Flip," "The Pixie" and "The Latent Goth"), so there will be more schadenfreude to be had in the days to come. But for now ...

Yeah, let's get the really bad one out of the way (and thanks, Blogger, for not letting me upload these in the order I wanted to). This was taken at my brother's wedding (that's him on the right). I had recently drunk all the champagne at my table, at the insistence of my sister and her husband. Thanks, guys.
Age:14
Glasses: check (I got contacts the following year)
Braces: check (also removed the following year)
Zits: hells, yeah!
Mullet, brown: check (began to dye hair 2 years later, at which point life began anew)
Hideous pink dress and matching pearls: check (chosen by my mother, no doubt)
Lee press-ons: check, times 10. My manicure rivals those of both Dolly Parton and Barbra Streisand. In your face, bitches!

My hair went through a curly stage during college. I believe this was the night I attended LaSalle University's Newspaper Cotillion, 1992. It was held in a hall not too far from the Arsenal, if I recall correctly, in Grand Old Northeast Philly. One of the guys we were with was a cop, and cleverly brought his gun along (thankfully, he locked it in the glove compartment of the car). I drank about 8 red devils that night, and was very sorry the following day. The dress was super-tacky, forest green velvet. I was showcasing the Freshman Ten (big shout-out to Ramen noodles!).

The Father/Daughter Dance, long a tradition in my Catholic high school; for some reason, I chose to wear a Willi Smith Little House on the Prairie-style dress that was 3 sizes too large, pinned up the back with safety pins, as if I were a third rate mannequin. Again, I see my mother's influence in the choice of jewelry: Laura Ingalls would never wear those pearls!

My sister's comment: "You know what everyone needs? A dress to make their hips look bigger!" Shamefully (shamelessly?), I wore this dress a second time to a formal event at my college (wacky Eastern art school). Of course, this event was also known for men dressed in drag, so no biggie, really. That living room furniture eventually migrated to my first apartment. Not the drapes, though, thank GOD.

Who's that hot lesbian in the front? Why, that's ME!


I'm sure everyone is familiar with in-between hair: not long, not short, just ... growing in. I think this was before I learned how to pluck my eyebrows. I also had a penchant for vintage, wool, itchy dresses, which I insisted on wearing to family gatherings. At least the hair is red by this time. My husband said it best in the subject line of the email containing these photos: NERDO!

More to come, including shots of me looking quite good, but I had to deliver the ugly first, as promised.